yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
