I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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