matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
