i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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