I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
