Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
