Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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