I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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