Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
