we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
