apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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