Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
