Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
