Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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