I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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