jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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