Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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