When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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