I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so let's talk penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
