and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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