you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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