When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
