Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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