Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
