no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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