I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
