i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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