It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
