I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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