you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
