He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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