What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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