hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
