i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
