Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
