i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
