haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
