Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
