i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this hospital has no fireball
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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