I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
