Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
