Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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