So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
