mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
