is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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