she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
