Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
