He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
