He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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