Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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