i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
