Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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