i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
