I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is an emotional support booty call
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
