So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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