I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
